Tongue. In. Cheek. (Please Keep That in Mind!)

Crap. I want to go home.

Wait, those two sentences are more connected than that. Damn you, Text! Curse you, Grammar! How do I... let's see...

Crap, I want to go home.

Does that fix the problem? Is that still one thought or two? It should be one. Hold on. I'ma put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it.

I want to go home... crap.

That makes sense, right? I don't like the ellipses. 'Crap' is not supposed to be a reaction to something and therefore 'I want to go home'. No no no! In fact, this has been a great trip! It is the realization that I want to go home that brings about the 'crap'.

I want to go home. Crap.

Voila! Can you feel it? The conflict between wanting to go home and realizing that this is my favorite part of my job! And, all things considered, it's been a pretty successful week! So, why in the world would I want to go home?

If you know me, you know why. If you don't know me, you'll be a little confused until I gather the mustard to come out with it.

Not that you've had any clues, mind you. Well, I suppose I told my house like a month ago... But, I've not brought it up since then so there's no reason it should be on the front of their minds. And, well, Melissa knows. She always knows. But, aside from that and some fairly highlighted clues in other blogs... you should have no idea!

And, I don't plan on giving too many more hints. Aside from the fact that I am blogging about it, obviously. And, by 'it', I mean the thing that I always think about. The one question about my future that I want an answer to. But, that's it! No more help! For now...

I feel lighter.

And, I'm glad I'm feeling lighter and everything, but...

Wait, that really doesn't look like it sounds in my head.

And, I'm glad I'm feeling lighter and everything, BUT...

People are more interesting when their melancholy. Nobody likes happy people!

Truly, truly... everyone WANTS to be happy. But, no one wants someone to be happier than they are! Okay, maybe for a moment on big occasions. We'll smile and congratulate them and wish them happy times from here to eternity... just, when we get to eternity your happy times should be slightly less happy than mine.

Well, I've been willing to take the hit for you people. I like being interesting and I like making other people happy so for years now I've made it so that I have been unconsolably miserable about one thing. I've been unconsolably miserable about one thing so that deep down inside you could be reminded about how happy you are.

And then there's the whole interesting thing. I didn't do this for free. In return, I got to be interesting and melancholy and fun to ask questions of. To check in. To make sure I was doing okay.

Well, damnit, now that I'm all light again you've got nothing to be concerned about. Nothing to be interested in. (Aside from figuring out what/who I'm talking about... but, as soon as this mystery fades then it's back to the doldrums of complacency and happiness.)

But, answer me this: (Or, these:)

Would you watch House if he was supportive of his staff, courteous to patients, and snacked on TicTacs?

Would Holden Caulfield have inspired millions of angsty high schoolers if he was the college-bound high school quarterback?

Would Moto have gotten replies on his last blog instantaneously while my thoughts are left commentless?

(Yeah. I admit it. I'm jealous. What part of "attention whore" don't you people understand?)

Aha. You see? Misery loves company. If not like company then company who want to help. And, by 'help' I mean 'feel better about themselves'.

Well, apparently, I don't need your help anymore. I'm happy.

I'm light.

Crap.