For Beth (And, Really I Mean 'Dear Me')

Attention friends:

As of tonight you are no longer to accompany me to a bar and, after more than one drink has been consumed by this party, ask or proceed to talk about me. After more than one drink has been consumed by Justin, the topic of conversation must be changed to one of the following:

-The weather;
-How boring it is to talk about the weather;
-Places to ski;
-Cheeses made in the state of Vermont;
-Books I have not read before (Note: this is a close violation to the new rule, but the object is to turn the conversation to something which is foreign to me, i.e. a new book);
-Things you can make out of one sheet of 8.5"x11" piece of paper;
-The proper number of times to use a towel before it must be washed;
-The advantages to a Radial coordinate system versus the Cartesian coordinate system;
-Ponderings to if they've changed map's location of sea level and the height of Earth's mountains due to global warming;
-Anything which I should not reasonably be able to steer back towards a discussion on me with one or two well-placed question.

One should note that 'reasonably' is a very subjective word. It is up to the friends present if I have unreasonably or unexpectedly turned the conversation back toward me and if a punishment is in order. I trust you all to be both severe and fair.

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I am not entirely certain that imposing the above rule is in my favor or yours. Likely both. Apparently my cynical side is slowly blossoming into my cynical psyche. I'd apologize for it, but I'd say there is a strong a chance that you are witnessing the birth of the 'new Justin' as there is a chance of me snapping out of it and reverting back to being one smile pasted on top of the previous one. One way or another, this rule should protect both of us.

Crap. This blog doesn't work. Earlier tonight I perfected a theory that the best blogs are happy blogs. You want to read happy blogs. I want to read happy blogs. The blogs that update once every three weeks with an apology that 'I keep meaning to write more' translate into 'there's nothing happening in life right now' really translates into 'what a sad, sad life I lead'.

Sad blogs are simply passive agressive electronic calls for help and generally arent interesting to write or read. That's why you won't find the words "Sorry, I've been trying to think of stuff to put here" anywhere on my blog: I don't feel good about pressing "Publish" because I don't want you to get bored and close the web browser or get conflicted about what the best electronic means of reaching out to me is.

But this blog... Sad? Happy? Somewhere over the rainbow? Is this blog interestingly depressing or cheerfully cynical?

I've had a lot of fun writing it, I feel good about pressing 'Publish'. Does this mean I've broken the genres of blogging and transcended into a realm untouched by human thought?

I like to think so.